Song: Eye of the Storm by Ryan Stevenson
Don’t get offended, but I’m a Cancer. I don’t follow numerology or astronomy, but I cannot find a reason to shun them either. My God made the stars and I seek His direction for my life.
So….I’ve always been interested in what makes me who I am. Probably delved into this after one psychology class on nature/nurture. Jacked me up real good. 1/10th of a degree to the left and I’d be loonier than a toon. Anyway, I’ve found that most of the traits ascribed to those born during these months are true. I have been and I thought (Revelation!) always would be deep in my feelings. My church up bringing didn’t correct it for me either. I once had a potential beau describe religion as an emotional lathering experience. I couldn’t argue because I could see that conclusion as well.
And now my point…..
I went into my surgery Saturday feeling afraid. Ok, understandable. I smile and giggle and make the staff around me feel good as we play which lucky person is going to get my IV running. A few hours later I’m smiling dreamily as I try to shake off anesthesia and hear that surgery went well. Subjective, relative to who tells the story. The doctors got to play with their robot, I’ve got a new slice of me missing and nothing was accomplished. Usually I’d insert something here, but I kinda knew it was gonna go this way.
Fast forward to Monday and there’s another procedure scheduled. Sounds painful, really, it did. As I’m being rolled down to the room I’m waiting for whatever it is I’m going to feel….and I got nothing. Not apathy, but no feelings. I’ve never done this before, so bear with me. I began to speak into my situation. “God that surgery was Not a surprise to you. This procedure and its results are not a surprise to you. I know you are at the end of this situation and so just this once I’m going to try something different. I’m going to act like I can see the angels camped around me. I can see the angel guiding the doctor to whatever area is troubled. I can see you placing the information that going as planned wouldn’t be the best idea.”
As I continued to speak what I knew, what I believed, I found myself comforted. It wasn’t a wash of peace, I know what that feels like. It was the settling of my spirit in the knowledge that I am looked after, cared for and loved. It just doesn’t get better than that.