Laid Bare…..

Song: Broken and Blessed by Carmen Calhoun

I willingly admit that I’m struggling with my identity. I will also admit that in that struggle there is an unhealthy dose of depression, envy and hopelessness. 2017-2019 are the years of turning 40 for a lot of my friends and I. I’m sure once we realized that adulthood was not what we dreamed and it was here to stay, that we made a list of things we’d hope to have or accomplish by then.
Let me assure you, my current situation was not even on my radar.
So my Facebook timeline is flooded with amazing people doing amazing things and I truly celebrate all of them. Then I turn my phone or computer off and shiver in the misting rain of depression. It sucks, big time.
I’ve noticed that whatever I struggle with internally is what God addresses in my prayer time, in my devotions and in everything I listen to. Coincidence? I don’t believe in them.
Last week was about comparisons; this week is about envy and identity.
I knew this would be more than a week long lesson, but I feel it’s going to be a while before I truly grasp it.
I peeked out my introduction page to my blog and realized that my identity is wrapped in what has happened to me and who I’m connected to. Neither of those are bad, but if you strip it all away, nothing has the power to wash me of depression. The last thing I mention is that I’m a believer…it should have been first. That identity is why the flood hasn’t carried me to the edge of suicidal thoughts. That identity is why my smile is genuine. That identity is why I can encourage even though….just gonna leave that there.
This is just another process that’s been a long time coming and is deeply rooted, so it’s gonna hurt…. But…..Thank You God!