I don’t even know where to start.
I think I’ve finally gotten the all clear from UCLA regarding my kidney.
YAY!!!!
My labs are the best they’ve ever been and I’m so grateful. On the way home I freaked all the way out. Clearly my life isn’t going to end, not now and not from this. I’ve been feeling a shift in my atmosphere for a while, but didn’t know what that meant. Still don’t. So I go into instant Robin mode: details, logistics and busyness; mentally. By the time I arrived at home I was nearly unconscious with anxiety and apprehension. Sometimes you have to talk yourself down.
I remembered each time I’ve felt this way before. That borderline fear/excitement that can almost paralyze you into complete immobility. So I decided to practice my new coping mechanism of talking to God aloud.
“God, I’m freaked, but thank You for the blessings already bestowed on me”. “God, I’ve got 4 months till my one year transplant anniversary and I haven’t even begun to fill out job applications, but I’m trying and trusting that Your plans and timing are perfect”. “God, my self esteem is pretty low right now and I can’t even imagine what marketable skills I have for this day and age, but I remember the job you gave me before when the supervisor told me she didn’t want to hire me, so I rest knowing, “Nothing is impossible for You”.
Moral of the story: encourage yourself, meditate on things to combat your voiced fears in your head, and if you believe God is Sovereign…..Romans 8:28.
“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.”
Thank You God
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