Song: In the Midst of it All by Yolanda Adams
Have you ever been arrested by the Word before? I know I walk around with this vague sense of God. In the busyness of life with doctor appointments and worries and pain, I often put God on the back burner to simmer until the next crisis hits. He sometimes moves to the front of my mind when I’m at church, but not usually, because I get distracted by other people or I get lost in my own mind. I sense Him best at the beach, but lately my safe place isn’t offering as much solace as it used to.
I never question my faith mid-battle, but once my crisis has passed and I’m dwelling in what I call pseudo-calm, I waver like a teeter totter. Am I being pessimistic if I’m waiting for the next problem? I genuinely don’t know. I like to notice patterns and I don’t think noticing a pattern of complications and nothing going as planned makes me pessimistic or low on faith. I’m no theologian, but I cannot agree that faith is the absence of fear; in fact my best show of faith is when I’m battling internally with fear.
But!….the after is where I completely freak out. Questions galore pop up, I go seeing and reading signs in everything, a true, complete mess!
And then it feels like God comes to sit with me while we debrief. I get constant reminders of Who He is, How He brought me through, and the peace to rest as we prepare for whatever is next.
Thank You God