I think I’m in labor. No, I’m not pregnant with child; I’m pregnant with purpose. What started out as a zygote is now looking like something I can see on a screen. It’s been growing and fermenting all this time that I was fighting battles for my life. The center of the battlefield has shifted and the goalpost is moving. I was so preoccupied with the physical health issues I faced that I buried my ideas underground for a time when I could truly focus on them. Problem is, my physical battle has lasted a decade and I almost couldn’t remember where I buried the little nuggets. Now my health is stabilizing, the pain is no longer debilitating and clarity has wiped away the fogginess in my mind.
There are murmurings in my head and I can no longer sleep through the night. Wait, I’ve been here before. I’ve got this added feeling that I need to heal people, but what does that even mean? God knows I’m not a doctor and my memory is now so short I forgot what I was about to say. Really. I’m reminded that one of my strengths is my compassion. We are more than the sum of our health, wealth and mistakes; So Much More. Sometimes we get stuck on a page in our lives, good or bad, and we camp out there forgetting that our work is not complete. Don’t feel bad, I did it too. I allowed the sum of my health issues to override everything else in my life…and I do mean Everything.
The last decade has left me with some issues that I don’t believe I had before; people. I can handle one, maybe two, but just one more person has me asking God for a quick boost of calm or a Zoloft, whichever He feels I need the most. FYI: I believe in Jesus, therapy and medication, granted I might be a little heavy-handed on the medication, but just for me, the rest of y’all follow the instructions. Just pray for me, I’m not an addict, but I do like quick fixes and I’ve had just about enough of pushing through issues, I’m tired. So I can speak to a couple of folks, but what about the rest that my reluctance won’t let me get to? That’s why I write. I’m writing because I sound like a mashup of Minnie Mouse and Tweety Bird and I’m just downright shy. My shyness is fading because my transparency is setting me free. Can you see yourself in me? Do you see how I’m being sustained and believing that Jehovah will sustain you too?
Get Ready World, I’m writing again and believing someone will get healed from me dealing with my brokenness…Is it you?