I’m praying no one reading this is experiencing domestic violence in any form, Amen.
I am a writer. My craft, gift and enjoyment are all centered around words, which may be why I don’t speak a lot because words are precious. That being said, I am NOT an artist, let alone a graphic designer. I’ve written a book that I would love to release to the world, but the hiccup/heartburn of producing the cover gives me acid reflux. (Where oh where are the TUMS!!!) I desparately want to hire this process out, but God has insisted I do this myself; bummer. Day after day I struggle to figure out what the guidlines mean and how to comply with them. I’m over all of it. I’d love to pick a stock photo and complete my project, but my cover was specifically given to me and drawn exactly as spoken, so there’s no going around that. So, my frustration builds up daily, I may have a few bald spots in my hair and the snacks never stop. I woke up this morning with my ticker tape going at a clipped pace as I began to see and understand some things. This book is a process for me, yes it may benefit others, but I’m seeing, learning and loving myself as I crank this bippie out. Who knew? I constantly beat myself up internally in my frustration and forget to celebrate the small milestones along the way. Do you do that as well?
When I was in school, they taught us how to take a test. You glance over the whole thing and do the problems you have confidence in getting right first. You do this because as you correctly complete each problem you are internally boosting your mood and confidence, so when you arrive at the harder ones you feel encouraged to try and not feeling defeated because of your struggle. I was learning life lessons then and didn’t even know it.
Today my heart was burdened with Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you should answer everyone”. Did you know that you are one of the everyone mentioned? Perhaps you have a kind word and a grace for everyone but yourself, I know I do. I am constantly pulverizing myself for not being motivated to exercise, for not knowing how to do something, for indulging…etc. I’ll admit I have a hyperactive sense of internal responsibility; I’m an introvert and I have some control issues, so forgive me. I went to a seminar this past weekend that had an activity which completely floored me. The exercise was simple: take some post-its and write things you like/love about yourself and fill a mason jar with your affirmations. I have small hand-writing, so I tore the papers in half for each attribute. What bamboozled me was the fact that I had things to put on the paper. Just one year ago I would not have been able to write a single, solitary thing. Glory to God!
Maybe like me you have grace, patience and exhortations for everyone but yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Ask God to open the pantry of your heart and to show you the sugar, seasoning salt and pepper flakes so that you too can become the wonderful dish you lovingly serve to others.