Valuable…

What’s in your hand?
Perhaps like me you feel change in your atmosphere. You’re not where you used to be, it’s not quite as foggy where you are and the future still seems murky but sunlight is piercing through. Perhaps you’ve confirmed your dreams or purpose, but something just feels stagnant; like an invisible block is in front of you. You try really hard not to look around at other people flourishing in their paths, but you kinda can’t help it because it seems like they just started and you’ve been simmering for years. I’d like to share what I’ve come to realize.
I’ve always had a gift or talent, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was because it came so naturally to me; I express myself in writing best. I’ve taken it for granted because I’ve been doing it forever; what I didn’t understand was how valuable it was/is. Coming out of what I consider one of the most traumatizing decades of my life, I had lost touch with how important it was to me personally. I had nestled myself so deeply in apathy that I stopped writing and even stopped speaking unless under duress. So, now I’m writing everyday about everything. I’ve been told and I felt like I was supposed to write a book, so I did. When I finished the stages of giving an offering was revealed to me. The first draft of my book has been edited twice and I can actually hold it in my hand, looking exactly as I thought it would. It’s not available to the public because my heart wasn’t right. I wrote the book initially because I figured that if I did, my purpose would be complete and I could die in peace; it’s not my time yet. That was stage one of my offering; definitely half baked.
Once I figured I would see a few more years top soil, I turned my book into a bargaining chip with God. I actually asked Him if I produced a book would He give me my heart’s desire. Couple of problems with this stage; one, God doesn’t bargain and two, I don’t really know what my heart desires anymore. All my time alone has given me a great appreciation for me and God Time. I’m not responsible for or to anyone else and it’s a great feeling. My singleness, which was once a dread albatross is now celebrated and greatly valued because I can barely stand me sometimes; someone else would be too much. In this time I’m taking to time to ponder the desires I thought I so fervently needed; were they absolutely necessary, would they really make me happy, etc. My conclusion is a firm no to all those questions. I think I was just floating down the river of what I thought was suppossed to happen, not actually considering what would best suit me. God has gret timing because my boat could’ve capsized in an expensive land, costing much money, energy and emotions.
I’m now headed to stage three of offering, where my gift is revealed to me and how valuable it could be if I truly invest in it. Natural gifting doesn’t exclude due diligence and preparation. I’ve invested money and time with no issues, but I had never placed my heart, expectations and true energy into it. What’s inside of me is valuable and like most things of value, I needed time in pressure cookers to slough off past emotions, ideologies and to see if anything from my past is worth keeping. Here’s a hint, not much is coming into the future with me. I couldn’t have known that without time and pressure to work through seen and unseen issues. Sometimes God has to protect us from ourselves and others who may mean well, but if the timing is off then the gift doesn’t feel like it.
What situations or decisions are you trying to rush through because you believe the things you want most are on the other side? I can sadly say I am just now learning how to be present in the present. The other side has always appealed so much to me that I may have missed the treasures along the way that would have made my arrival glorious. Allow God to cultivate you in this time of impatience and frustration, I promise the results will far exceed your expectations.