As far as I can remember I’ve always been an avid reader. Probably started around the time I figured out how hard it was to hear the television from the distance my parents deemed safe. I liked to read more than just about anything! As I got older I got a wee bit more impatient, so I started skipping ahead to read the last chapter. My anxiety gets relieved and I’m no longer interested in the process the characters went through. The end of every chapter is rife with situations and emotions that make me feel like I simply can’t take another thing happening. I was talking about the fiction books that I read, but I realize that I’m speaking of my life too.
I’ll just start by saying this is a trust issue and you’re probably aware that I’m going to be struggling with it till I see Jesus. Now, on to the good stuff. I’ve been known to read a complete book overnight in my voracity to know what happens next. Especially if I pre-ordered it and the series had been rudely halted until its arrival. I’ve also been known to become like chicken little when I lost a book I was in the middle of reading. The sky fell, my brain began to loop as I wondered how the story ended. Was the ending happy? Did the villain get caught? Did true love triumph? What Happened?!?
God had to show me that I don’t have that same voracity for my own life. I trust the authors of the fiction I bury myself in to work through the complexities of their characters, but I don’t trust my creator to work through mine. I’ve genuinely wanted to end my story, not myself, at various chapters of my life. When my grandma died, when my parents got divorced, when my cycle started (Ha!), when my first boyfriend and I broke up, when my mom died, etc. I’m about to turn the page (in 1 month and 18 days) and start chapter 40 of my life now and can honestly say I can’t even imagine what I was thinking then.
Oh, yes, I remember. I was so focused on the trials I felt I was being dragged through and the punishments I felt I deserved that I lost sight of the facts. The fact that All Things are Working for My Good (Roamans 8:28). That’s GREAT NEWS!!! That means everything I did right, all the little mistakes and ALL the bombs that exploded from the wrong mixing of stuff are all going to be used to make my story still have a happy ending. If you feel like this particular chapter sucks, no matter why, fret not thyself. The Creator, Author and Finisher of your faith and your story knows the ending. Ask for a sneak peek to hold you through this, c’mon, turn the page.
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