Song: Don’t let it get you down by Deleon Richards
3 months post transplant….
October 5th marks the third month Karen and I have been together…and oh boy. I never considered a transplant a “cure” for kidney disease, but I didn’t expect the process to rival my diagnosis years either. So at the 3 month mark I’m supposed to be returned to my original health care providers and starting to save money on parking. Since my journeys are never simplistic, here’s how it’s gonna go. I got to worry about insurance coverage because UCLA has decided I’m not stable enough to release yet. I’ve had a couple of put me completely under anesthesia surgeries, because, well, that’s just how we roll. So at my last appointment, the doctor is explaining the process from here on out. I of course ask for the complications that might pop up and he tells me. At the worst, I’m looking at another major surgery. Yay.😒
I leave the appointment, get in my car and chit chat with myself….conversation went something like this:
“Why are you down cast, o my soul? (Psalms 42:5-6) because I’m tired of being cut on, tired of holding in how I really feel and frankly, I do not need another reason to be mad at God.(A Walk to Remember, Nicholas Sparks).
“Out of the heart, the mouth speaks..” (Matthew 15:18) true, but I’ve already been alerted to the fact that bitterness and apathy are slowly encroaching on my mind and heart. Kinda at the point where I don’t even know what to pray for anymore. I’m getting the distinct impression that my stubbornness is blocking my view of the lesson. Instead of asking for revelation, I’m stubbornly asking for the removal of the issue. Can’t hurt to ask, right?