Fleecing…..

I promise this has nothing to do with swindled money. I’m actually referring to how I’m feeling right now.
Judges 6:36-40 is the story of Gideon, the most relatable character I can think of. His situation is dire, his nation is suffering and he’s being called to do something about it.
Boy can I relate!
The thing is, Gideon is a bit scared; ok, he’s a coward. God has called him to do something great and he starts listing his disqualifications. As I raise both of my hands in the air, I go over my litany of why God should go bother someone else and let me sleep. So as Gideon resigns himself to the fact that God is not budging, he starts the fleecing process….
Welcome to where I am 24/7.
He puts out a piece of fleece and starts the timer, hoping his fear gets validated.
“God if it’s you, make this wet”.
“God if it’s you, make this dry”.
Translation: “God show me the complete plan so I feel more comfortable “. Umm, yeah, no.
I, like Gideon, want absolute assurance that I’m moving in the direction God has set for me, but I don’t want to move until I can see the guarantee of success. Ever been there? You are almost immobilized by fear and uncertainty because you don’t trust….yourself, the process, etc.
Am I the only person whose main issue in life seems to be the drain that everything else circles around?
My idea is becoming a burden.
My dreams are shifting.
My hope is inflating.
Thank you God