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I’ve been walking around with words and phrases bouncing in my head like those 25 cent balls I used to want…and lose. Some I have to dig down and figure out what they mean and how to apply them, but others I genuinely have to ask God what I’m supposed to do with them. Well, now I’m sharing them; they are bits of wisdom and knowledge that are impacting my life daily and maybe they’ll affect yours too.

QUIP of the DAY…

Success is Not what you acquire, Success is what you Teach someone else

This is my all time favorite flavor! I’m about to tell y’all how old I am, but I used to get it from Clark’s Drugstore or Thrifty. It could be pink or turquoise with medium sized bubble gum balls. Real bubble gum balls y’all, not chiclets. Hungry yet? Obviously I am, but my swooning over ice cream led me to thinking about the Holy Spirit. I know, nowhere but in Robin’s world does everything connect or lead to food.
Really though, here’s my thought process…
I like vanilla, but it’s usually smooth and unexciting. You can eat an entire pint (it’s only 16oz) before you know it because nothing made you aware of your actions. Now, if your life reflects mine, vanilla may not sound all that bad. There are seasons for vanilla and seasons for more. I’m in a season of more. I’ve gotten to the other side of my tribulations, my mind has settled and I’m dreaming again; now I feel ready for more. Problem is I still have some vanilla habits. Habits that just flow because they can, there’s no reason to stop them. Enter in the Holy Spirit, my bubble gum.

     Bubble gum ice cream is flavorful and smooth until you get interrupted by a gum ball. You have choices when this happens, you can start chewing right away, intensifying the taste in your mouth, you can tuck it into your cheek for later or you can spit it out. All of these choices reflect how we interact with the Holy Spirit; when we start chewing right away we’re sensitive enough to stop, repent and correct or apologize for our actions. Making this choice comes with practice and it grows your spiritual walk in such a way that you feel grateful and enjoy the reminder that god is with you. Tucking the gum in your cheek shows that you’re aware that something’s disrupted your life, but because of pride, perhaps rebellion or maybe you’re just being ornery, you decide to deal with it later. From experience I can say that you will start looking like a chipmunk with cheeks full of unresolved issues. Then whenever you decide to start chewing, you won’t be able to enjoy the flavors and the lack of moisture makes the gum harder And you’ve got so many you’re trying to hold that it’s uncomfortable now. You might accidentally bite your tongue or the inside of your cheek trying to maneuver one into position to deal with. As a fellow sufferer from the “Head in the Sand” syndrome, I strongly suggest dealing with each issue as they come up, if you not you can get overwhelmed quickly and the lack of attention seems like the issue gets bigger.
Finally there’s a chance that you could spit them out every time you come across one; I’d like to say what a waste of perfectly free gum and you are missing out on the whole experience. The unknown hazard of this is you’ve placed obstacles in your own way by spitting out round objects that harden and have the capability to trip you up. Now you r path resembles a rocky road and technically you can only blame yourself. You are free to get mad at God, but let’s work towards being responsible and aware; actions have consequences.
Personally, I’d like a Black Cherry flavored life. The ice cream is yummy alone, but the cherries show up and they intensify the flavor in a way where you already know what to do; chew and swallow. These are the hiccups in life that you see coming and you’ve prepared yourself to deal with them. You’ve prayed, spent time with God and some of His people and now you’re ready for anything that shows up on your spoon.

What flavor does your life look like?

What’s in your hand?
Perhaps like me you feel change in your atmosphere. You’re not where you used to be, it’s not quite as foggy where you are and the future still seems murky but sunlight is piercing through. Perhaps you’ve confirmed your dreams or purpose, but something just feels stagnant; like an invisible block is in front of you. You try really hard not to look around at other people flourishing in their paths, but you kinda can’t help it because it seems like they just started and you’ve been simmering for years. I’d like to share what I’ve come to realize.
I’ve always had a gift or talent, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was because it came so naturally to me; I express myself in writing best. I’ve taken it for granted because I’ve been doing it forever; what I didn’t understand was how valuable it was/is. Coming out of what I consider one of the most traumatizing decades of my life, I had lost touch with how important it was to me personally. I had nestled myself so deeply in apathy that I stopped writing and even stopped speaking unless under duress. So, now I’m writing everyday about everything. I’ve been told and I felt like I was supposed to write a book, so I did. When I finished the stages of giving an offering was revealed to me. The first draft of my book has been edited twice and I can actually hold it in my hand, looking exactly as I thought it would. It’s not available to the public because my heart wasn’t right. I wrote the book initially because I figured that if I did, my purpose would be complete and I could die in peace; it’s not my time yet. That was stage one of my offering; definitely half baked.
Once I figured I would see a few more years top soil, I turned my book into a bargaining chip with God. I actually asked Him if I produced a book would He give me my heart’s desire. Couple of problems with this stage; one, God doesn’t bargain and two, I don’t really know what my heart desires anymore. All my time alone has given me a great appreciation for me and God Time. I’m not responsible for or to anyone else and it’s a great feeling. My singleness, which was once a dread albatross is now celebrated and greatly valued because I can barely stand me sometimes; someone else would be too much. In this time I’m taking to time to ponder the desires I thought I so fervently needed; were they absolutely necessary, would they really make me happy, etc. My conclusion is a firm no to all those questions. I think I was just floating down the river of what I thought was suppossed to happen, not actually considering what would best suit me. God has gret timing because my boat could’ve capsized in an expensive land, costing much money, energy and emotions.
I’m now headed to stage three of offering, where my gift is revealed to me and how valuable it could be if I truly invest in it. Natural gifting doesn’t exclude due diligence and preparation. I’ve invested money and time with no issues, but I had never placed my heart, expectations and true energy into it. What’s inside of me is valuable and like most things of value, I needed time in pressure cookers to slough off past emotions, ideologies and to see if anything from my past is worth keeping. Here’s a hint, not much is coming into the future with me. I couldn’t have known that without time and pressure to work through seen and unseen issues. Sometimes God has to protect us from ourselves and others who may mean well, but if the timing is off then the gift doesn’t feel like it.
What situations or decisions are you trying to rush through because you believe the things you want most are on the other side? I can sadly say I am just now learning how to be present in the present. The other side has always appealed so much to me that I may have missed the treasures along the way that would have made my arrival glorious. Allow God to cultivate you in this time of impatience and frustration, I promise the results will far exceed your expectations.

As far as I can remember I’ve always been an avid reader. Probably started around the time I figured out how hard it was to hear the television from the distance my parents deemed safe. I liked to read more than just about anything! As I got older I got a wee bit more impatient, so I started skipping ahead to read the last chapter. My anxiety gets relieved and I’m no longer interested in the process the characters went through. The end of every chapter is rife with situations and emotions that make me feel like I simply can’t take another thing happening. I was talking about the fiction books that I read, but I realize that I’m speaking of my life too.
I’ll just start by saying this is a trust issue and you’re probably aware that I’m going to be struggling with it till I see Jesus. Now, on to the good stuff. I’ve been known to read a complete book overnight in my voracity to know what happens next. Especially if I pre-ordered it and the series had been rudely halted until its arrival. I’ve also been known to become like chicken little when I lost a book I was in the middle of reading. The sky fell, my brain began to loop as I wondered how the story ended. Was the ending happy? Did the villain get caught? Did true love triumph? What Happened?!?
God had to show me that I don’t have that same voracity for my own life. I trust the authors of the fiction I bury myself in to work through the complexities of their characters, but I don’t trust my creator to work through mine. I’ve genuinely wanted to end my story, not myself, at various chapters of my life. When my grandma died, when my parents got divorced, when my cycle started (Ha!), when my first boyfriend and I broke up, when my mom died, etc. I’m about to turn the page (in 1 month and 18 days) and start chapter 40 of my life now and can honestly say I can’t even imagine what I was thinking then.
Oh, yes, I remember. I was so focused on the trials I felt I was being dragged through and the punishments I felt I deserved that I lost sight of the facts. The fact that All Things are Working for My Good (Roamans 8:28). That’s GREAT NEWS!!! That means everything I did right, all the little mistakes and ALL the bombs that exploded from the wrong mixing of stuff are all going to be used to make my story still have a happy ending.                         If you feel like this particular chapter sucks, no matter why, fret not thyself. The Creator, Author and Finisher of your faith and your story knows the ending. Ask for a sneak peek to hold you through this, c’mon, turn the page.

It’s graduation season and I’m surrounded by happy graduates. Some I can genuinely celebrate, some I’m happy for and a couple I’m kinda like, “good for ya”. Not hating, but most of these celebrations make me want to crawl under a rock and cry.
I think I’ve discerned the season I’m in personally; I’m cooking, both spiritually and physically. Truly, I don’t know if I’m having a hot flash, got an undetected infection or it could be the Hot Cheetos I enjoy so much. Who knows? I do know that my desire to obey God is becoming stronger than my desire to be free of uncomfortable situations. Seriously, I want out of whatever this is but something inside me says stay put and let the impurities slough off. Dude.
What impurities?? Glad you asked. Some are newly discovered and some I thought I was over. I can even show you the victory dance I did over them. So, comparison and envy; I thought I had become content with my lot in life but what I had become was resigned. Resigned to thinking that God may love me but not enough to let me attain my heart’s desire. Bitterness, I know I buried that one; the dirt is still under my nails. I’m still dirty because I may feel like I’ve surrendered my will, but each celebration of accomplishments for someone else is a reminder that I don’t think God is enough in my own life.
That was probably blasphemy for some people, but this is my season of transparency. My words say “God, I’m surrendered, but my tears say “God give me this and I’ll feel whole”. My desperate desire for “letters” after my name are my way of telling God He is not enough to fill the hole inside of me. That hole I covered with the scabs that told me since I wasn’t pretty enough, at least I was smart. Smart kept moving when I discovered there were things beyond a high school diploma to attain. But He Is. He is so much more than enough. His patience with me is everlasting because I cry daily in my tumble cycle of feeling inadequate.
I’ll tell you a secret: I talk badly to myself. Truly! When I get confused or fuzzy headed about how to start something I say, “I don’t know what I’m doing”. I actually say this out loud and don’t let someone ask me what I’m doing, I shrivel all the way up. Innocent inquiry, but to me it says someone can see that I’m inadequate. Is it a lie? No, but my spirit doesn’t know if I mean just this task or life in general.
What are you telling yourself? I’ll tell you what God told me…
I’ve already got letters behind my name:

DoK: Daughter of the King
CoG: Child if God
BaHF: Blessed and Highly Favored
FoF: Free of fear and failure

Can you add your own?

May I be transparent here?
I’m asking God for a cleansing from the inside out. Great, Hallelujah! I’m watching Him lay things into place that just has all my core folks all a tizzy. Great, Thank you Lord!…and all I feel is a constant battle with apathy.
I’m crying out, walking and talking with God daily. No, really, it must be my turn on His schedule because we chatter away, daily. Then He reveals that I’m not excited about what’s happening because I’m bitter. Although I believe His plans far outweigh anything I could wish for, I’m feeling bitter because none of my plans worked out and I’ve resigned myself to His will be done despite my reluctance. Can I tell you that can jack up a relationship something fierce?
The years I spent in and out the hospital that my family celebrates? My prayer was to die. I didn’t want to live through it to write about it. The dichotomy between my feelings and my spirit? I’ve never seen nor read anything like the exposure God is asking/telling me to do. So, yeah, I ain’t feeling this. Even in my bitterness, God is still good.

Every day I wake up and ask Him to direct and guide me, because left to myself I would always work on my “should be done” list. You know those useless, somewhat productive things that linger in our heads but never seem to get done. Well, my daily lists extends itself every time I wake up. Yet God continues to download ideas and words that I now feel need to be written. It’s meant to help someone and sometimes when I take the time to reread them, they help me too. Every day I feel my bitterness erode as I stay in communication with Him about how I’m feeling and how I’m still willing to submit to His way and plans.
I’m getting better at responding to the nudges I feel to do or say something that would impact others. The other day I gave away all the cash in my wallet. If you know me, that’s big. I will happily transfer, write you a check or use an app, but my cash? Help me Jesus, that’s for snacks. I’ll be honest, God had to repeat himself a couple of times because my obedience was slow in coming, but it came. By the end of the day I was given back more than I had given away, in cash and had an extra blessing on top of that. I wasn’t expecting nor asking for anything, I’m just trying to get in line with God’s will for me. It’s a process, let me tell you, seems like a very LONG one.
The more I get into His Word, the more I purposefully apply His Word to my life, the less I feel bitter about my plans falling apart. Last week I received a call from one of my dreams; it wasn’t a man, lol, it was a graduate program. By the end of the call I just sat still waiting to see what feelings would bubble up. I got nothing. No bitterness, no anger, no anguish, nothing. What I did get was a settlement of peace and a determination to trust God with my future. That is Big for me! Trust is probably going to be my life long battle, but every baby step is a victory.
Take your real feelings to God. Not only can He handle them, but He’s so smooth, He’ll handle you too. Next thing you know you’ll start noticing changes in yourself and can’t do anything but thank Him for it.